An open letter to my left thigh
June 16th, 2009Left Thigh
I’ll admit, I never gave you much thought. I never caught myself pondering about what you must be thinking or feeling. I certainly never bothered to get to know your likes and dislikes. Perhaps it is my lack of interest that caused you to betray me, or maybe you just wanted to get my attention and draw focus from the right thigh. Whatever the case may be, could you knock it the fuck off?
I was concerned for you at first. When you started feeling strange a week after I wrecked my bike, I figured you were just a bit traumatised and would eventually pull yourself together. It was a pretty harsh crash and we hit that sidewalk real damn hard. I just figured you’d walk it off just like shoulder and face did. They both pained me for a bit but then eventually grew up and got on with life. Not you. You decided to shut down and render yourself numb. You took away my feeling, but oddly enough still allowed pain to shoot directly into the numb spot. How does that even work, lefty? Huh? Is it dead or alive and screaming? I remember that I couldn’t prop you up for to long on things or you made the whole damn leg sore as hell.
Scared that I might have killed you with my careless steering and not paying attention to elevated curbs, I took you to the doctor…who sent me to another doctor, who gave me an MRI. Those results came back with a shrug and a head scratch, so that doctor sent me to another damn doctor. Do you know what that final doctor told me about you, left thigh? He told me that he really didn’t know why you were the way you were, and the best he could guess is that there was a damaged nerve. One tiny fucking damaged nerve. Now, that was just a guess on his part, so either you are doing this to me on purpose or you’re a real big pussy who shuts down due to one tiny fucking nerve.Â
You have been a lot better lately, but the random times you decide to make yourself known are quite annoying. Just when I get used to your numbness you sprinkle a bit of pain in there to keep me steamed. I’m writing this letter to ask you to cut this shit out. Enough with the back and forth dance of pain. I use you just as much as I use righty, so don’t sing me any sad songs about mistreatment. The bike crash was an accident and I guess you got the shit end of that stick. Deal with it.
Much love
Travis
Oh wow! Very descriptive and hillarious view of a pain in the thigh. Have you tried Aleve? My left shoulder for no reason pained me since December, and it too was a nerve issue. And yeah, it really can be painful. Much luck in recovery
Reggie
Threaten it with amputation. That usually works.
usually
This made me chuckle…I like how you manage to write about something moderately boring and make it rather humorous haha brilliant…Hope it gets better soon though lol