Harper

So, you’re finally turning one. Sitting up all on your own and crawling are two of your major accomplishments. That’s good, because they will come in handy with the advice I’m about to lay on you. But before I rock your infant world with wisdom, let’s take a brief look back at your first year of life.

You slid on out of your mom’s vagina…which is more detail than I really needed to write down considering it was my sisters vag…Oh, sweet god, stop it Travis! New paragragh.

Drooling, shitting, pissing, eating, gurgling, crying, smiling. These are the verbs that dominated that first year. You were a joy to both your mom and your dad. You were passed around from grandma to grandma. From aunt to uncle. From cousin to friend. Everyone body at one time or another got their grubby mitts on you, bounced you on their knee and spit out sentences that sounded as if their head was cut open and doctors were pushing needles into select areas of their brain. “Boo boo gaaaa booo gaaa!”

Well, here you are. One year old. Harper, it’s time to rock this crib. Listen to me, because I’ve lived it. I was there and I blew it (I think). You have a unique opportunity to really let loose. The beautiful thing about being one is that you’ll never be able to remember it. This means zero regrets. No guilty concious. You are free to do whatever feels right. It will be the only time in your life you can accomplish this without getting in some sort of emotional trouble. I’ve done so many things that I look back on with sadness and regret. My heart weighs heavy in the present, but at the time it felt right. At the time it was exactly what I needed. But Harper, you pay for it later, so don’t waste this window of opportunity. Go out there and party! Break some hearts, get into fights, smoke like chimney and take risk after risk. Become a pirate and plunder somescurvy bastards. Steal a car and drive the coast of Mexico. Join an elite team of assassins and learn to “curve the bullet”. Stow away on a space shuttle and wage war with an alien race. Try human flesh (cooked of course, with mash potatoes and greens). Break the world record for longest time treading in shark infested waters with dead bloody fish strapped to yourself.  You won’t remember any of it and no one will get angry because your a friggin’ baby! There will be no ghosts of your actions coming back to haunt you. You’ll have lived in complete honesty with yourself for a year or two. You might not be able to recall it, but I am most certain you will feel it, and it will feel good. After that you can pick up the responsibility of being human and live out the rest of your life not doing exactly what you want to do.

This is just a small nugget of advice from your Uncle. It’s all I have to give, but believe me, it is priceless. Pricelss advice in which you’ll forget all about someday. Like when you’re three or so.

Much Love

Travis

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